You might be a redneck if...

- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

- You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

- You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.

- Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

- Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug zapper.

- You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

- Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

- If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck.

- You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

- You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

- The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.

- You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

- You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

- You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

- You and your dog use the same tree.

- You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

- You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

- You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

- Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

- You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

- You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

- You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

- Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

- Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

- The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors

- You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..."

- When you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

- You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

- You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

- You take a six-pack cooler to church.

- Your family tree has no forks.

- You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

- Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

- You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

- A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

- One of your kids was born on a pool table.

- You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

- Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

- Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

- Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

- You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

- On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

- You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

- If you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior year".

- Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

- Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

- You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

- You just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.

- You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

- You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

- Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray.

- Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it.

- You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

- The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

- Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

- You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

- You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

- You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

- Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

- You use a NASCAR credit card.

- Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

- Your parents met at a family reunion.

- You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

- Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

- You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

- The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

- They just raised the drinking age in your state to 32 on account of they wanted to keep alcohol out of the schools.

- The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

- You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

- You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.

- You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

- Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

- You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

- You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

- You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.

- You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.

- You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

- Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.

- Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People"

- Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.

- You think the winter olympic sport of curling is part of the "Big Hair" competition.

- You've painted a car with house paint.

- You ever named a child after a dog.

- You have more belt-buckles than pants.

- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

- If you've ever missed the verdict because you were mooning the defendant.

- The phone number for a pizza delivery company is written on the wall above your phone.

- The cell number to your dad has nothing to do with a telephone.

- You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

- If your sister has always beat you in the local arm wrestling contest

- Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.